And I cringe - not from the show of emotion, but from the apology. Why do we do that? Why do women feel like our tears are something to be ashamed of?
I'm sorry. Sorry for what? Sorry for being human? Sorry for loving someone enough to have it affect my life? Sorry for showing you the truth of what I am going through right now?
My own struggle with tears has been long and yes, sad. For years I was unwilling to shed a tear in the presence of another. Whispers of weakness clenched my heart tighter, the genuineness of my feelings locked away. My worry? What will they think of me?
I came to a point where I realized it did not matter. What mattered was that I was going to explode if I did not open the dam gates.
The truth is, I was created with the ability to feel and express. They are gifts from a God who does the same. At times I hurt deeply and am tempted to hide. Other times I have been overcome by love so completely, I could not lift my tear-stained face from the floor.
That is what gives life its richness. That is what helps me heal. That is how I connect with the world around me. That is how I reflect the glory of who God created me to be.
For a long time I have kept silent, I have been quiet and held myself back. But now, like a woman in childbirth, I cry out... (Isaiah 42:14 NIV)
My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God. (Psalm 82:2 NIV)
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance...
a time to mourn and a time to dance...
(Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 NIV)
Creator of all human emotion, help me honestly express who I am without fear of the judgements of others. Amen.
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