A normal August = sunshine, beach, prolific garden, evening bike rides, laughter, family time...
August 2014 = migraine, pain, doctor visits, unanswered questions, rebound headaches, medicine, hours in bed, no energy, frustration, ER bills, neglected husband and children, whispered prayers...
My worry of the month: Will this end? It's amazing how quickly I let
hope slip away. I need to see the light at the end of this tunnel. Just like my
husband promised long ago to have and to hold in sickness and in health,
Jesus promised to stay close in good times and bad. When the pain gets
so intense I cannot open my eyes, I need to remember I don't need my
eyes to see Jesus. It's okay for rivers of prayer to roll down my cheeks.
"Just Cry" by Mandisa
Why you gotta act so strong
Go ahead and take off your brave face.
Why you telling me nothing's wrong
It's obvious you're not in a good place
Who's telling you to keep it all inside
And never let those feelings get past
The corner of your eye
You don't need to run
You don't need to speak
Baby take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek
It may be tomorrow you'll be past the sorry
But tonight it's alright
I know you know your Sunday songs
A dozen verses by memory
Yeah, they're good but
Life is hard and days get long
You gotta know God can handle your honesty
So feel the things your feeling
Name your fears and doubts
Don't stuff your shame and sadness
Loneliness and anger
Let it out, let it out
Doesn't mean you don't trust him
Doesn't mean you don't believe
Doesn't mean you don't know
He's redeeming everything
On the day I wed my awesome husband (or as I saw him referred to on one of my kids' drawings, Invincible Daddy), his grandmother gave us a beautiful box full of hand-written scriptures. Most of them had dates on the back and phrases written as to why they were meaningful to her. This month I have been choosing one at random to meditate on each day. On some mornings, it's about all the reading I can handle. But it is enough. I want to share my ponderings over yesterday's verse: 1 Thessalonians 5:24.
The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.
The One: So many vie for the spot at the top of my priority list. God is the one. He is jealous for me. He wants my whole heart and attention. When my eyes are fixed on the one, so much else in life either makes sense or fades into it's rightful place in the background. One of my favorite breath prayers recently: (Inhale) You are, (Exhale) I AM.
Who Calls: Because he calls, I can answer. I can hear him. He calls, continues to call, and will never stop calling. Webster defines call as: 1) to speak in a loud distinct voice so as to be heard from a distance 2) to make a brief visit 3) to request to come or be present.
You: Yes, he is calling others too, but he specifically calls me. He has words for me, words that speak directly to my heart and situation.
Is Faithful: Present tense. He is and continues to be faithful. He has a history of being trustworthy, giving constant support and love. What he promises, he will do. My full faith can be placed in him.
And He Will: He is capable, and certain to act. He responds to me personally. I can trust his active presence in my life.
Do It: He has done, continues to do, and will do more in the future. He is not detached. Whatever promise "It" is, I can rely on. In the verse just before this one, "It" refers to: May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
God of peace, I am glad you keep my whole spirit, soul and body blameless right now. My doubts, fears, and worry during this challenging time in my life will not be held against me. I know who I believe in and am persuaded that you are able to keep me in your arms until the day I see your face. Amen.