It has been over a year of silence on this blog. I continue to be amazed that people are still coming, still reading, still curious. The silence was not for lack of God's work in my life. No, the silence was a waiting on His timing. The silence here was a sense of being overwhelmed and unsure. How do I put into words what has transformed since the pain and the letting go began? What has he taught me and what needs to be shared?
Trusting God is safe. Not necessarily comfortable, but safe in the unseen realms. He knew how many of my fears would not come to fruition. He knew that my pain would help others learn empathy and trust. He knew I would run to Him and be protected by mighty warriors.
Letting go lets love in. When I said, "Have your way," He ushered in peace and hope once again. He healed deep wounds between my husband and I. He gave me the capacity to love my children more than I thought I could. He showed me how he too laid down his life for others.
Life is not meant to be a solo adventure. The more that seemed to go wrong in my world, the more comfort I found with letting others know I was falling apart. I needed a group of witnesses surrounding me and pointing me back to truth. In weakness I was born and in weakness and humility I find His strength. There is no shame in relying daily on the one who really has the control.
Seek and you will find. I asked for more and I got more. I've seen glimpses of him and his plan. In sorting through the yuck in my heart, I have more room for understanding and love. Hungering and thirsting for more of Him has been the most amazing adventure in my life. I can't wait to see what is just around the river-bend.
Some lessons, I guess, must be learned by time, pressure, and pain. But this weekend I was reminded that that is how diamonds are formed. A new song he gave me: "Diamonds", by Hawk Nelson.
"It's here in the ashes, I'm finding treasure.
He's making diamonds out of dust. He is refining.
In his timing, He's making diamonds out of us."
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. Isaiah 43:2 NIV
The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him. Psalm 28:7 NIV
My deliverer, you are faithful and strong. In my weakness may others see your strength, and turn to you. Thank you for never leaving me. Thank you for the privilege of serving you and for opening my eyes to your love more and more every day. Amen.