When Greatest Fears Come True

Senseless. Questioning. Torn.

How could this happen? They were only children, concerned mostly with whether their heart's desire was waiting under a tinsel topped tree.

Their parents had probably been praying for their safety for years. How could God ignore such a selfless request, twenty times over?

That is the view from down here, in a fallen world.

But what if God not only answered the prayers of each of the parents in Connecticut, but he did more than they could ever ask or think or imagine. *

In my mind, a prayer for my children's protection means safety and shelter from the evil around them. "Please keep them safe" translates to, "Don't let them be hurt."

Since my thoughts are not his thoughts and my ways are not his ways,* I have to try to make sense of things from his point of view.

What if his idea of "keeping them safe" means giving them peace that passes all understanding* in the midst of evil? What if it means them feeling his warm arms around them and hearing a whisper of "I am here with you. Fear not." Perhaps he answers prayers by wiping every tear from their eyes*, forever.

I serve a God who promises to never leave me or forsake me*. I believe he can do anything. So I have to trust that his love was wrapped around each scared student and teacher. It's possible he kept them from feeling any pain at all. He was outraged at the evil even more so than I was. Yet, as the broken son of Adam pulled the trigger, I am sure God was speaking to his soul too, saying, "I love you. I still want to forgive you. Yes, I died even for you. Please turn and believe."

It still hurts. The happenings of this world will never seem fair. Death was not the original plan for his children. Pain in the face of evil, especially for those left trying to make sense of it all, is unavoidable. He longs to comfort those who mourn if we will let him.

However, my faith can not depend on God answering my prayers the way I want them to be answered. That is telling God, "I know better than you how to handle this situation."

Tonight as I pray over my children, I will ask him to use the pain they encounter in this world to make them stronger and keep them safely in his arms forever. I will echo Paul:  

My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. (Eph. 3:14-19 MSG)

I ask—ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory—to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him—endless energy, boundless strength! (Eph 1:17-19 MSG)

Thank you, God of wisdom, for allowing me to share this life with others, whether it be for decades or days. Help me to hold onto everyone around me loosely and you tightly. Amen.


*Ephesians 3:20, Isaiah 55:8, Philippians 4:7, Revelation 21:4, Deuteronomy 31:6   

Gazing Upward

The day had been hard. I needed a moment of stillness. Although the computer beckoned to me, I chose to turn the lights off, save for the Christmas tree, and lay on the couch. My mind wandered for awhile until I focused on the scene before my eyes.

The children had obviously played with the nativity set on the coffee table. Every figurine except for one was toppled. The lone shepherd was gazing intently into the sky, watching in expectation. His act of reverence and the current state of my heart were polar opposites, and it unnerved me.

In an act of defiance, I gave a tug to the cloth beneath him. If I was not standing tall, he should not either. (This all made perfect sense to me at midnight.) My earthquake, however, did not achieve the result I desired. He stood his ground, staring skyward in perfect peace.

Then I remembered something my pastor had recently said. In a study of Christians who had gone through times of great trial, the ones who kept their faith and peace were the ones who had a habit of sitting at the Lord's feet daily, in his word and in prayer. They did not wait until they were in a bind to seek the Lord. They were in constant communication with him already. And when troubles (earthquakes) came, they continued to gaze upward.

Chuckling to myself for allowing the circumstances of the day to darken my spirits, I carefully restored order to the entire manger. Then I thanked God for the humorous heart lesson.

I choose to keep my eyes focused on the King of Kings.

Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory in the heavens. (Psalm 8:1 NIV)

I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me... (Psalm 16:8-10a NIV)

 

Almighty God, thank you for showing me truth in ordinary objects. Help me to always look for your messages of hope, even when the light around me grows dim. When others fall, plant my feet deeper so I will not be shaken. Amen. 

Grace and Peace Overflowing

I greet you with the  

grace and peace poured into our lives 

by God our Father 
and our Master, 
Jesus Christ. 
(Ephesians 1:2 MSG)

How can grace and peace be poured into my life if it is full of worry and stress? It is like adding pure water to a cup that is already full of murky water.

First, I need to empty myself of the unclean. 

I do this by becoming aware of the anxiety within me. I pour out my heart to God in prayer and often write my troubling thoughts on paper. God loves to answer prayers to empty me of all that does not honor him and fill me with the peace that can only come from him.  

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13 NIV)

 
God, I want there to be more room in my life for your grace, peace, and joy. Help me to identify areas of my life that do not bring you glory and to be patient while you lovingly help me release them to you. Amen.

Counting My Blessings

I cannot grumble and simultaneously be thankful for what I have. It is impossible. Either my mind focuses on what I am unhappy and worried about, or it concentrates on my blessings. My goal, therefore, is to train my mind to return to thankfulness when I am straying in the other direction.

To do this, I have made counting my blessings a priority. I keep a running list of the big and small things around me I would otherwise take for granted. Often, I write comments people made that brought a smile to my face. When gloomy shadows tempt to cover the sun, I return to this list and am reminded of the exquisite gifts God has given me in the midst of an otherwise ordinary life.

"Count Your Blessings," by Johnson Oatman, Jr. 
(Listen to the music)

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

     *Count your blessings, name them one by one,
       Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
       Count your blessings, name them one by one,
       Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Thank you, God, for every good and perfect gift which is from above. Amen.
(James 1:17)

If I Die

The revelation came while I was teaching my husband how to make pear cobbler, one of our favorite desserts. The recipe was partly in a cookbook and partly in my head.

"I can't believe I've never showed you how I make this," I murmured as he measured. In an often hidden corner of my mind, I thought, "At least now he can make it for himself if anything were to happen to me."

If anything were to happen to me. When something happens to you.

Those types of thoughts have been eroding my joy for awhile. The losses over the last year and a half have threatened to swallow me. Dad, Grandma, three teenagers, an infant, and over twenty seniors at the facility where I work have moved beyond the world I know, some to destinations I know not of.

"Why, God? Why this saturation in death? What am I to take away from this shadowed valley?"

The answers are not clear, but ever so quietly I hear, "Immerse yourself in truth and trust."

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, (Psalm 23:4a ESV)

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God. (Psalm 20:7 ESV)

I am to trust in the Lord instead of trusting in the false security of loved ones I have in my life. I am to trust in the Lord instead of worrying about events that may not happen anytime soon. I am to trust in the Lord and rest on the promise that he will give me the grace I need to get through trials when they occur. 

I am to trust in the Lord. Period. 

Honestly, some fears were hidden so deep inside, only a stripping to the core could bring them to light. Can I possibly be thankful even for this? 

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me.. to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. (Isaiah 61:1-3a NIV)

I am willing to learn all he has to teach me though this season of life. I am not happy about this valley, but I am thankful. He is beside me, showing me more and more truth and a sweet side of him I never knew before.


Lord, I am claiming the beauty you promise to come from these ashes. You use all these situations to draw me closer to your side. The process hurts, but I know you desire even the deepest fears to be nailed to the cross. Thank you for never letting go of my hand. Amen. 
 

Fear of Flying

The best exhibit at the children's museum was hidden behind a small curtain on the lower level. After our eyes adjusted to the dim light, we encountered a huge, white "shadow" wall. We giggled, posing in funny ways when the flash went off, then backing up to see our silhouettes frozen behind us.

Then my husband asked our son if he wanted to fly. The idea was to throw him up in the air so his shadow would be frozen above everyone else. It sounded like fun, but he forgot one small detail.

As he tossed our preschooler above his head, he was blinded by the flash and clumsily caught him by the legs, inches from the ground. It was quite a while before my pulse returned to normal, and our son was leery of his father's ideas for the rest of the day.

Similarly, God encourages me to give flying a try. He wants to see me soar and even gives me the power to do so, but at times I am afraid he will not catch me when I fall.        I fear that when I let go of the familiar, an unexpected flash will blind the one I put my      trust in.

When I follow this line of reasoning, I too am forgetting one small (huge) detail: God will always catch me when I fall. He knows all the "flashes" that will come my way and promises to keep me safely in his arms. I can trust him fully and feel confident as I explore the great heights of life. When I feel like I am in a downward spiral, I can take comfort in the truth. Nothing can separate me from God's love.

Yes, because God’s your refuge, the High God your very own home, evil can’t get close to you, harm can’t get through the door. He ordered his angels to guard you wherever you go. If you stumble, they’ll catch you; their job is to keep you from falling. (Psalm 91: 9-12, MSG)

We are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37b-39, ESV)

Thank you, Father, for catching me when I fall. I enjoy exploring the heights of your love and will try to boldly live in the freedom you offer me. Amen.

Anticipated Surprises

I found the toy for my son at a garage sale. It was something he had been drooling over for months. I knew the excitement that would follow after discovering it outside his bedroom door the next morning. The anticipation made me smile.

Then, while trying to figure out how it worked, I pressed a hidden button that made parts of it light up and play music. How long, I wondered, would it would take my son to find this extra surprise? I did not want to miss that moment.

As a parent, surprising my children with gifts ranks quite high in the "what brings me joy" department. I relish their simple delight and hugs of thanks.  

My Heavenly Father is the same way.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights... (James 1:17a NIV)

So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. (Matthew 7:11 NLT)

He delights in my discovery of his gifts. He beams with pride when I stop to thank him for his generosity. He waits in anticipation for me to understand all the wonderful things that are yet to come.


Giver of all good and perfect gifts, open my eyes to see what is all around me waiting to be unwrapped. I love that you love surprises and created me to enjoy them as well. Help me to turn to you in gratitude and refrain from grumbling. Amen.