Answered but Unaware

I heard a story many years ago at a Hearts at Home conference. It planted a seed of truth so deep within me, I am sure the sprouts of hope are still coming up years later.


A woman was sick for many months, unable to take care of her family and home. Everything around her seemed to be falling apart. In the depths of her despair, she cried out to God for a miracle. A few days later, her infant son became sick, requiring expensive medicine. She did not understand how her family could handle this on top of the hardship they were already going through.


Slowly, both became stronger and life as they knew it returned to normal. Years later, a doctor discovered her son had a rare disease, which is most often fatal within the first year of life. Astonished that this boy was as healthy as he was without symptoms of the illness, the doctor wanted to understand why. He poured over the boy's medical records and found that the child had received the exact medication required for that rare disease "coincidentally" when he was ill before the age of one, when his mother had been praying for a miracle.


She did not know her prayers had been answered until many years later, and in a way she did not expect. God was indeed working all things for good in their lives, but her revelation was not immediate.


Fast forward to this week at my house. We woke up to discover our heater had broken during the night, and the air was hovering just below fifty degrees. Balmy for summer, but this January day had a wind chill advisory attached to it, with the weatherman advising all to stay indoors. I hate being cold. I've even told my husband my love language is heat. So, I was not happy. The news that the solution was a new furnace did not help.


Three quotes, three days, and many space heaters later (with a lighter savings account), we no longer have to sleep with nightcaps. And the repairman had discovered misaligned duct work and a crack in our old furnace, which was leaking small amounts of carbon monoxide gas into our basement. Coincidence? I think not.


Sometimes I am allowed to understand why seemingly bad things happen to me. Other times, the truth is hidden from view. Just because it is hidden, does not mean that a greater good is not occurring.


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18 NIV)


...I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. (Matthew 11:25 NIV)


Almighty Lord, I choose to trust you when things are hard. Help me believe you are good and are in control even when circumstances around me testify otherwise. Give me the joy that sprouts up from deeply rooted truth. Amen.

Conflict is Not a Four Letter Word

Conflict is not a four letter word, nor should it be avoided at any cost.

 

I spoke this week with a group of young moms about worry. Struggle in our lives has a purpose in our hearts, I said. I could see it in their eyes even as the phrase was leaving my lips - I'm not so sure about this. Does that mean I have to like it?

 

I've been pondering the good that can come from a situation where I might be tempted to worry? Good? Yes, good. Trouble causes me to slow down and sometimes pull over on the road I call my life. I can be going along at a decent pace, thank you very much, and suddenly: conflict. My thoughts are redirected and I don't usually like it. But here's the thing - sometimes I need it.

 

Change comes out of conflict. I'm not a huge fan of that either, but how else is God going to get me to move sometimes, or see things in a new way, or (gasp) venture out of my comfort zone? Here is what I am feeling led to do right now: thank God for conflict.

 

I know, I know, it's crazy. But, it's something I have not tried before. Plus there's that whole part in the Bible about giving thanks at all times. It doesn't exactly leave an escape clause for except for when life is really, really hard. So...

 

• Thank you, God, that I am out of ideas for what to do about my son's disobedience.

                It has brought me to my knees over and over again, and we are seeking help
                from others who have walked this path before us.

• Thank you, God, that my husband and I disagree about some big issues.

                It has caused us to look deeper at the communication patters we have formed
                over the last decade. And I am learning to share my heart more openly.

• Thank you, God, for misunderstandings between friends.

                It has allowed me to practice forgiveness and grace.


My list could cover several more pages. As I think about each struggle that I am dealing with right now, I can see some sliver that God could use for good in my life if I allow him to. Perhaps speeding through life at my pace is not what is best for me. Perhaps.


Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV)


So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. (Colossians 2:6-7 NIV)


Lord, I know there is a reason for what I am going through. I do not need to know the exact purpose even though I would like to most times. I trust that you are in control. Thank you for giving me road bumps as I journey through life. They force me to look to and rely on you more. Amen.

No Resolutions, Just Permission to be Me

I had no intention of making resolutions when the calendar page flipped. Not that I have done many lists in previous years. This omission in particular, though, was purposeful. See, I am tired of expectations. Instead, I want to live in expectancy - and grace. More grace than I have given and received in the past.

I want to thaw, release my heart from the icy tomb of disappointment. Give myself permission to live life at a pace that allows my heart to grow. I want to be in the moments of the year, not just live through the moments of the year.

Goals can be wonderful tools, but what I need most is permission to fail. When I do not have to worry about disappointing others or failing at something, I am free to try. I am free to explore who exactly it is that God made me to be. And also, how I best connect with him: in the comfort of grace.

Does it sound too idealistic? Is it surprising that I do not care what others think? Or rather, I am doing my best to try not to care. This is my one and only life. Creativity seeps out of my pores more than oil. I do not intend to wash it away.

This year I hope to grow in wisdom and understanding. This year I plan on making time to be alone with God and my crazy thoughts. This time next year, I plan on saying, "Wow! What a crazy adventure we went on together!"

As the sun comes out and melts the snow, so too will the Son thaw my heart with his love and grace. I expect to feel the warmth of his love throughout the year. And if I acknowledge his hand in my successes for these twelve months labeled 2014, and enjoy him in the meantime, then I will have more joy than any fulfilled resolution could have given me.

I give myself permission to have hard days. I give myself permission to say the wrong words and react in ways that I do not understand. My Lord has already covered all my sin by his blood. He who created me as I am is not surprised by my blunders. "I can't believe she did that," will never cross his lips. What he does utter is, "I love you, my child. Return your gaze to me. Let's stroll through the hours of your days together."

Grace. Love. Free. These are the words I want resonating deep within.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! (Romans 11:33a NIV)
But whoever loves God is known by God. (1 Corinthians 8:3 NIV)

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen (me) with power through his Spirit in (my) inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in (my) heart through faith. And I pray that (I), being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that (I) may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Amen.
(From Ephesians 3:16-19 NIV)

Heavenly Peace

"Silent night! Holy night! All is calm, all is bright round yon virgin mother and child. Holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace."

There is an exclamation mark after the title in my hymnal. Of all the titles to proclaim triumphantly, why "Silent Night?" Seems out of place. Shouldn't it be whispered, like the slow pace of the first few notes? Hush, for the baby is sleeping.

It was a holy night. A night unlike any other before or since. All was calm. For the first time in history, the world could sleep in heavenly peace. Christ, the Savior, was born. The Rescuer, true love wrapped in rags, was among them. And his Father had a plan: an unexpectedly glorious plan.

It was the dawn of redeeming grace. The beginning of the one in flesh who would have the last word, who would destroy even death. Heaven could not keep silent that night. The skies burst open with streams of light as hosts of angels sang to quaking shepherds. Who would be able to stand at such a moment?

The slumbering residents of Bethlehem may not have rushed to greet the king, shoppers may not have paused this year to look beyond the sales, old men dressed in red and listening to requests may not have understood the real reason for a holiday, but they were all invited to sleep in heavenly peace.

Today, we are all invited to sleep in heavenly peace. We are able to rest in the assurance that the Rescuer has come, and the end of the story has already been decided. Good triumphs over evil! Peace and love will reign for all eternity! All is bright, for he is the son of God, love's pure light.

It began that holy night. Holy Night! An eve worthy of exclamation and song. I will shout it with joy all my waking moments, then testify in the dark hours - Yes, I can sleep in heavenly peace.

But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.  (Luke 1:30-33 NIV)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27 NIV)



Savior, you are the answer to all the wrong in this world. You are the reason I do not need to fear death. You left the comfort of community with your father so that today I can enjoy that same closeness. I am humbled by your love. All I can say is thanks. Thanks for giving me the gift of peace. Amen.

They Left the Sheep

"Mom, I wouldn't have left the sheep," my seven year-old commented after listening to the words of a popular carol closely. "I would have brought them with me. What if something happened to the sheep while they were gone?"

Why did the shepherds leave the sheep behind?

They were told to go. Angels gave them an opportunity to see something amazing, but the offer was time sensitive. Were they told that nothing would happen to their sheep while they were gone? No, they were given an open door and knew that what was on the other side was better than where they were at the time.

So often I sense God telling me to do something, but I hesitate. Instead of quick obedience, I rationalize why that's not a good idea. Or, why I should do it later instead. I start to worry about the unfinished business of my day. What about my sheep?

God sees all aspects of my life, even the parts I do not fully understand. When he asks me to do something, I can trust that it is for a good reason: for His good. It may be, and most likely is, for a greater purpose than I realize.

So, did something bad happen to the sheep?

I admitted to my son that we have no way of knowing. I have a feeling, though, that an angel stuck around after the final notes of the hallelujah choir to play stand-in shepherd. But even if the sheep did not survive, I don't think it mattered as much to them anymore. When they came face to face with the author of life in infant form, all else grew strangely dim.

Leave the sheep, if that is God's request. Talk to the stranger. Rearrange the priorities of the day. Give abundantly. Let an angel step in where you stepped away. Do not miss seeing the face of the King.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found...      (Luke 2:8-16a NIV)


Messiah, Prince of Peace, I do not want to miss seeing you. When I feel a nudge or hear a direct command, I want to move forward and not look back, not worry. I want to see you clearly and the things of this earth dimly. Give me boldness and wisdom, peace and hope. You are what is most important each moment of my life. Amen.


 

His Little Creations

"You're a good mom," my seven year-old whispered before bed. I was stunned. This from the son who thinks the world revolves around him. Honestly, I needed to hear it because today I did not feel like a good mom. I felt like a maid, a cook, a mediator, a manager, and an "Oh why can't you just get your shoes on when I ask you to?" inquirer. Throw in some massive anxiety about my children needing loads of professional help to untangle the broken mess of emotions they call mom, and call it a day.

God I look to you
I won't be overwhelmed
Give me vision
To see things like you do

God I look to you
You're where my help comes from
Give me wisdom
You know just what to do
      - Jenn Johnson


When I feel like I am getting it all wrong, when I worry that my children will never outgrow the selfishness in their hearts, when I think about the overwhelming task of bringing them up in the Lord, I get on my knees. And I make sure to have tissues close by.

Praying for each of them specifically, I am reminded that no amount of correction and training in righteousness can fill a heart with love. Discipline does not mold them into a new creation. Only Christ in their hearts can change them from the inside out. Only the love of God experienced personally manifests outwardly as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. So this will be the bedrock of my prayers, along with wisdom to know how to move forward day by day.

It does not mean that all standards for behavior get tossed out the window along with consequences. But it helps me see my children differently. I cannot expect them to ooze selfless love before they have met the one who is the ultimate gift of love. My job is to point them to him and watch in amazement as he takes these little lives and uses them for his glory.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:17-18 NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6 NIV)


God of perfect love, fill me with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control toward my children. Give me realistic expectations of them in these tender years. Remind me of the eternal importance of my prayers as I take my anxiety to you. Amen.

God is Patient Too

I found myself singing a catchy little tune to my children the other day. I don't remember who I learned it from, but it's been on the tip of my tongue many times over the years since having my sweet little babies. It goes something like this:

Be patient. Be patient. Don't be in such a hurry.
When you are impatient, you only start to worry.
Remember, remember that God is patient too.
And think of all the times that others had to wait for you.

Patience. It's something I don't pray for more of, right? Otherwise, I might have to be in situations where I need to exercise it. Oh, but why is it so hard?

Henri Nouwen suggests that the word patience means "a willingness to stay where we are and live out the situation to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.”

Live out the situation to the full... hmmm. Accept what is, at the moment it is given. Accept that the one who gives the moment, knows what he is doing. Understand that every moment is an opportunity to learn.

Learn what, one might ask.

When I demonstrate patience, I realize that I have a choice of how I respond in any given situation. I learn how to show love even when I don't always "feel" love. I learn that the moment I am in is just as important as the moment I am trying to hurry toward.

When I am honest, I admit that most of my impatient moments can be traced back to poor planning on my part. Or, to a less than loving attitude as my baseline for the day.

Remember, remember that God is patient too.
Yes, and always loving.

Love is patient, love is kind. (1 Corinthians 13:4a NIV)

Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. (Proverbs 14:29 NIV)

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12 NIV)

Am I willing to stay where I am in order to find what is hidden: a wealth of understanding, valuable coins of love? I guess I'll find out the next time I am trying to rush out the door while little feet dawdle, shoeless after three promptings. 


God, thank you for being patient and loving with me. I ask for wisdom in my frustrating moments, so I may respond in love rather than impatience. Help me to see your orchestrated opportunities for growth. Amen.