No Resolutions, Just Permission to be Me

I had no intention of making resolutions when the calendar page flipped. Not that I have done many lists in previous years. This omission in particular, though, was purposeful. See, I am tired of expectations. Instead, I want to live in expectancy - and grace. More grace than I have given and received in the past.

I want to thaw, release my heart from the icy tomb of disappointment. Give myself permission to live life at a pace that allows my heart to grow. I want to be in the moments of the year, not just live through the moments of the year.

Goals can be wonderful tools, but what I need most is permission to fail. When I do not have to worry about disappointing others or failing at something, I am free to try. I am free to explore who exactly it is that God made me to be. And also, how I best connect with him: in the comfort of grace.

Does it sound too idealistic? Is it surprising that I do not care what others think? Or rather, I am doing my best to try not to care. This is my one and only life. Creativity seeps out of my pores more than oil. I do not intend to wash it away.

This year I hope to grow in wisdom and understanding. This year I plan on making time to be alone with God and my crazy thoughts. This time next year, I plan on saying, "Wow! What a crazy adventure we went on together!"

As the sun comes out and melts the snow, so too will the Son thaw my heart with his love and grace. I expect to feel the warmth of his love throughout the year. And if I acknowledge his hand in my successes for these twelve months labeled 2014, and enjoy him in the meantime, then I will have more joy than any fulfilled resolution could have given me.

I give myself permission to have hard days. I give myself permission to say the wrong words and react in ways that I do not understand. My Lord has already covered all my sin by his blood. He who created me as I am is not surprised by my blunders. "I can't believe she did that," will never cross his lips. What he does utter is, "I love you, my child. Return your gaze to me. Let's stroll through the hours of your days together."

Grace. Love. Free. These are the words I want resonating deep within.

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! (Romans 11:33a NIV)
But whoever loves God is known by God. (1 Corinthians 8:3 NIV)

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen (me) with power through his Spirit in (my) inner being,  so that Christ may dwell in (my) heart through faith. And I pray that (I), being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that (I) may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Amen.
(From Ephesians 3:16-19 NIV)